Allow me to catch you up on the Ausfailian political landscape in a brief summary:

A few weeks ago, “Optimus” Prime Minister Kevin07 Rudd grew tired of his Deputy’s sooking when he demanded oral pleasure and threw one of his notorious tantrums.

She relented and gave him what he wanted, only to run to her dimwitted (Communist) Union buddies to help oust the nasty Kevin07.

And so, while he had his back turned to the door, jerking off to hentai, she crept into his room like the shifty immigrant she is, and knifed poor Kevin07.

The lowly troglodyte assumed the position (hahah) of PM and took over Ausfailia.
Now that an election has been called for Aug. 21, the witty, driven, intellectual inhabitants of this desert country get to choose between a douche and a turd sandwich to run the the place.

Take a look at these fuckheads.
Which would you choose?

It seems our only option is to take the lead of my colleague The rapist and vote for Eminem on the ballot card.

That said, get out there kids and vote!

I’m sure it comes as no surprise that the creators of this little den of love and rainbows are not great fans of this shit known as Twilight.

If you have read the books (any of them) you are one of the following:
- A gay male with a Peter Pan complex
- An insecure female with low intelligence and unattended clinical delusions

The character of Edward Cullen is a gigantic faggot.

I hope any and all readers of this rubbish spend their lives sad and alone.
Fuck yourselves.

I had a conversation recently where someone was smugly detailing the ‘ridiculousness’ of $cientology. They mockingly outlined the basic theology, making mention of Xenu, Thetans, E-Meters etc etc (they had obviously seen a 60 Minutes report on it).

Now, don’t misinterpret, fools: I agree this premise is not dissimilar from an Ed Wood schlock sci fi film from the 50s.

But really, how is this shit any different to believing that there in an old dude with a white beard and robes in the sky who created the planet and its inhabitants in a week?
Or that he moulded the first man like a clay figure then fashioned him a wife from a hip bone?
Or that a man could walk on water, heal blind peeps and turn water into wine?
See what I’m getting at?

Christianity is every bit as fucking stupid as $cientology.
Just because there are billions of idiots out there who believe in it, doesnt make it any less moronic (moran-ic).

In short, paedophiles who live in glass houses should put some pants on and also not throw stones at other idiots who also believe in fictional characters.

Now that the date has passed, I thought it relevant to note the anniversaries of a couple of dead cunts.

One was a junkie hack, the other was the face of a band that changed the face of music.
Either way, their notoriety is undeniable.

RIP Kirk and Lane

Well, other than having a priest perform analingus on me when I was 7, the only real good Jesus has done for me is provide some fantastic fucking holidays…. So cheers to the stud, and with a bit of luck at least someone throat-fucks a nun this weekend..

humans… some of them are seriously just incredibly moronic…

So, I’m driving to my local abattoir this morning (as I do on thursdays, for entertainment) when I hear a story on the news about some seaworld-type killer whale trainer having been chomped on during a “training session”.

How could something as cute and cuddly as a KILLER whale have done such a thing you might ask?

Well… Here’s why people are stupid; WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T A KILLER WHALE (or shark, crocodile, lion, tiger, polar bear etc) FUCKING EAT YOU??!?!?!

People seem suprised when they watch their buddies get eaten on the african safari after trying to “get closer to take pictures of the pretty lions”

Or when you get in a cage with one!

I could get a hundred different videos and post them here (search the net yourselves you lazy cunts!), and there will still be dumb fucking people out there that can’t believe their kids got eaten by sharks while they were surfing in South Africa…..

So really, are we all that suprised that a killer whale trainer was attacked, and died? Little Telly the killer whale was probably just ‘having a laugh’…

Funny though.. When you fuck with fire, fire fucks back.

ps – I apologize for not having a video of Tilly eating her trainer (yet), but those lion ones are just great anyway, right? (have a look for the full length version of the first one, about 15 minutes long).