That’s right Jay-Z, you big-lipped mother fucker, I said it… Rihanna is a talentless waste of her daddy’s jizz. The world would have been better off had said jizz been flushed down some crackhead hooker’s throat with a pint of syphilis-laden urine.

Only the dumbest kind of slut would sing a song about domestic abuse wearing next to nothing, after being the victim of domestic abuse herself (props Chris).

With a teeny bit of luck perhaps Rihanna will have her voice-box torn out by wolverines, so we won’t have to hear her fucked up whiney over-produced drivel any longer. Perhaps then she’ll stick to leaking nude pics of herself online that 15yo gangsta-wannabes can get hard over.

Even the lyrical genius Eminem can be seen below wishing she’d just fucking die.

Rihanna, No word of a lie, I don’t give a fuck if you “like the way it hurts”, I would pay good money to watch you burn.

I will make no song and dance about this: Justin Bieber is shit.
He cannot sing.
He cannot dance.
He is too young to even have seen a movie with the word ‘shit’ in it.
He wears nappies (diapers, stupid Yank cunt).

All this shrieking fandom bullshit is hyped by a media so short of any real content that it creates a frenzy itself.

I HOPE YOU ARE ABDUCTED AND RAPED BY CRAZED PRISON ESCAPEES BIEBER.
Die.
P.S. I love that Baby song! You know, the one that goes:
‘Baby, baby, baby oooooh,
like baby, baby, baby noooooooo,
like baby, baby, baby, ooooh.
Thought you’d always be mine, mine (repeat x34)’

I have a simple question for you: why is it that Jennifer Aniston cannot keep a man interested?

Say what you like about her shitty nose job, or changing her name from Anistonopopopopolous, or the fact that her appearance in any film will doom it’s commercial success, but there is something amiss here.

It seems every week there is a new magazine cover expose on her disastrous personal life, usually involving the words ‘lonely’ or ‘desperate’ or ‘baby’.

This woman has had relationships with some pretty famous motherfuckers.. Vince Vaughn (when he was fat), funny manboy Paul Rudd, serial pimps John Mayer and Adam Duritz, tough guy Gerard Butler, Tate Donovan (who?), the list goes on.
She was married to Brad Pitt for fuck’s sake! Everyone loves Brad Pitt, don’t they?!
Fuck yeah!!

For whatever reason she can’t keep one.
Is she a super annoying bitch?
Does she bite her toenails?
Does she fart loudly?
I have as sneaking suspicion it has something to do with her vagina.
Here is a representation of what I think it looks like..

She lures these unsuspecting Lotharios in with her notoriety and promises of delectable intercourse, and then SNAP! She clamps their dick!

I’m pretty sure I’m on the money here, so if Jennifer Aniston comes onto you, punch her in the snatch and run for your life.

Who can explain this?

Why are these fuckheads popular?

Are there THAT many 20 year old receptionists out there?

I hope Al Qaeda target a Black Eyed Peas ‘concert’ and kill them and as many of their idiot fans with them.
These cunts are only the same level of talent as P!!!!nk.
Die.

Kate Hudson is a fucking genius.
Somehow she manages to make spectacularly shit films, get paid for them, and also trick famous men into dipping their penis into her herpes pond.
I would not hesitate in fucking her mother before even letting Kate perform my nightly ball/anus shave.

It seems that every time I take a shit and proceed to wipe my silky smooth bottom with the latest copy of tabloid magazine, I see this cunt macking on some other douche.

Her waters are so badly contaminated their effect even made Owen Wilson try to kill himself (he failed because his nose is so big).

And just today, I was searching Google for photos of decaying roadkill to masturbate to, when I was tricked into clicking some gossip link only to discover that this walking disease is now impaling herself on Muse singer Matt Bellamy. This of course explains why they are now so terribly shit.

Before you go to sleep tonight, pray to whatever space being/fake religious figurehead you believe in that you do not have to have sex with Kate Hudson.

Rampage Jackson was once an MMA fighter.
He was known for his mean face, incessant growling and wearing some kid’s bike chain around his neck.
He occasionally had some wins which were not completely boring.
Then one day, after watching Jerry Maguire for the 4th time in a row, Rampage (he earned this nickname after demolishing a fairy floss castle as a child) decided he should further his image of manliness by fighting one of the actors in the film, Tom Cruise Rashad Evans.

Anyway, so the big day came and instead of fighting each other, the combatants creeped around the octagon homo-erotically, not wanting to hurt each other’s propsects of movie roles in future.
In the end, Rampage was decided to be more gay due to his very tiny shorts and therefore lost the fight.

Fear not dear readers, for there is a happy ending to this story!
Rampage lost a bet in a men’s bath-house and had to star in a remake of the critically acclaimed 80s TV series M*A*S*H The A-Team and is a big movie star now!!

This is especially great because Rampage’s MMA career is over as everyone now knows he is a fucking bitch.

Enjoy your movie money, weak cunt.